Delaware Relationship Center

If you and your partner have just had your first child -- or you're about to -- going to a marriage therapist probably isn't the first thing on your mind. For a number of very obvious reasons, the new addition to your family is what's at the forefront of your thoughts. How can you muster up the time and energy to focus on your relationship?

Those feelings are completely understandable.

But it's worth it if you can do it. Because relationship issues often escalate quickly when partners are sleep deprived, trying to navigate parenthood, and attempting to figure out their new role in the family.

What are some things you should think about to head off potential problems before they rear their heads?

Tips for Couples Expecting Their First Child

Figure out how to divide domestic duties. There’s no getting around it—there will be a lot more household duties once you welcome a baby into your family. Figuring out who’s going to do things like clean up the kitchen, change diapers, or get up with the baby in the middle of the night can be a huge source of contention, so sit down with your partner ahead of time and discuss how you’ll divide tasks. It may work best for you to trade off tasks on a daily or weekly basis, so one person doesn't get stuck doing the same things all the time.

Discuss logistics. Sure, it’s not the most romantic activity, but you and your partner need to discuss the practical implications of having your first child rather than just playing it by ear. What does this mean? You should talk about whether one parent is going to take some time off from work, how much time they'll take off, and what that will mean for the family’s income. Stressing out over money is a huge source of relationship issues, but having a plan in place can help ease anxieties.

Plan for date nights. Before having a child, it's not uncommon for people to take alone time with their partner for granted. However, once the new baby arrives, you are almost guaranteed to neglect your significant other out of necessity. After all, you have a new life completely dependent on you. Unfortunately, this can lead to feelings of rejection, which can turn into bigger relationship issues. This means you need to make an extra effort to spend time with your partner when possible. Plan to get a babysitter every so often so that you can be alone and remember what you love about one another.

Learn to be flexible. As much as I’ve advocated planning ahead, there’s only so much anyone—even a experienced marriage therapist—can prepare you for. Having a child for the first time will be accompanied by plenty of surprises. You may find that the baby doesn’t want to nap on the schedule you’ve set up, or that there are new domestic duties that you never even anticipated. Be prepared to learn alongside your partner as you raise your child.

Originally published 10.24.13. Updated 5.14.26.

I'm sure it won't surprise anyone to learn that one of the big reasons couples come to me to help repair their relationship is due to one or both of them cheating. However, affairs come in all shapes and sizes, and one problem I’ve been seeing more and more lately is couples trying to recover after one of them has had an emotional affair.

Many partners don’t even immediately realize they are having this type of affair because they believe it’s not cheating if they’re not having sex. However, cheating isn’t just about sex. It’s about betraying your partner’s trust. If you’ve been carrying on a flirtation over email or Facebook, or have been secretly meeting someone you’re attracted to for lunch, you may be doing just as much emotional damage to your partner as if you had committed adultery.

So how can partners restore trust and resolve relationship issues after an emotional affair?

The Key to Recovery Is Open Communication

Every couple will go through the recovery process after an emotional affair differently, but the most important thing to remember is that you must rebuild trust. The best way to do that? Communicate openly. Both partners need to be honest with each other about how they’re feeling. Holding on to negative emotions and pretending everything is alright is only going to create more damaging relationship issues in the long run.

The partner who has cheated also needs to be honest and take responsibility for the affair, rather than making excuses for why they did what they did. Admitting to themselves and their partner that their behavior constituted infidelity is a major step towards recovery.

Not only do both partners need to talk to each other and be honest, they need to take turns really listening to one another. Listening shows that you care about your partner and want to do everything in your power to meet his or her needs. In fact, actively listening is how we develop compassion for another person. Don’t interrupt your partner when they are talking – let them get everything they need to say off their chest before you take your turn.

Bottom Line? It Takes Time

Recovering from an emotional affair will take time for both partners, and sometimes it’s just too much to do on your own. If you and your partner are currently struggling to move on after an emotional affair, don't hesitate to reach out.

Originally published 9/13/13. Updated 1/8/26.

In my practice, I’ve talked to clients who say sometimes they feel incredibly close to their partner, but other times they just don’t understand where their partner is coming from. Since relationship problems arise when we get into arguments and can’t empathize with the other person, whenever the couples I counsel tell me this, I work with them on an Imago therapy practice called developing a conscious partnership.

What's a conscious partnership? Essentially, it means that each person is supporting their partner’s psychological well-being by working to understand their feelings and personal history.

What Does a Conscious Partnership Look Like?

Couples who want a conscious partnership need to dialogue when they are having relationship problems rather than becoming combative or ignoring whatever’s been going wrong. This dialogue shouldn’t focus on what one partner perceives as the other’s faults, but should instead concentrate on how each partner feels.

No one’s a mind-reader, so even if you think your partner should be able to intuit how you feel, they’ll never know exactly what’s going through your mind until you tell them.

Talking through relationship problems is important because most of the time, an argument isn’t just about what’s happening at the time – it’s also about past unresolved issues. By dialoguing with your partner, you can get to the real source of the problem faster and work together to resolve the issue.

A Conscious Partnership Takes Time

Developing a conscious partnership takes practice. That’s why you and your partner need to keep up an ongoing dialogue -- even when you’re not in the middle of a heated conflict. By communicating honestly and openly, you’ll be better able to empathize with one another when relationship problems do arise, and you’ll be able to work together to overcome them rather than just fighting.

Of course, starting this kind of dialogue is not always easy; sometimes you just don’t know where to begin. If you’re feeling lost but want to work on developing a conscious partnership with your significant other, get in touch.

Originally published 8/23/25. Updated 9/12/25.