Delaware Relationship Center

Routine can be wonderful. It makes us feel safe and secure. After all, you know what to expect, so what do you have to worry about?

But when you only live in the comfort zone, it can lead to boredom and passivity. There’s less surprise, excitement, and fun. You lose that “spark” that brought you together in the first place.

In short: you can end up in a relationship rut.

So, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone – together.

You’ll discover new things about yourself and your partner, bringing back the excitement of the early stages of your relationship. You’re getting to know each other all over again.

When you take on fun challenges together, you’ll be more prepared for the unexpected challenges that life throws your way. And the new experiences will strengthen your bond to one another.

Volunteer together. Helps you both release oxytocin, that powerful bonding chemical, so you’ll be experiencing that natural “high” together.

Try new foods. Find a cuisine you’ve never tried. Or select a restaurant totally at random and head out. Another idea: cook a dish you or your partner absolutely love but haven’t made before.

Take a class together. If you’re more academic-minded, you can head to a local community college. Or you can learn a language. Or just pick fun skills – from mixology to ax throwing to photography.

Find a new sport or activity. When is the last time you went for a bike ride? Swimming? Have you ever wanted to learn to dance or do yoga? Embrace a new activity together.

Start a project together. It could be as big as starting your own business (talk about leaving your comfort zone!) or as small as redecorating a room in your house.

Plan a vacation. Select a destination. Determine a budget and plan to save together. Then delve into the details. Get excited about it together.

Go on a staycation. If a big vacation isn’t in the cards for you right now, then make plans to explore your local area. There are hidden gems near you that you can uncover together.

Try something new in bed. If you’ve found yourself in a rut in bed as well, a new position or a new location can help bring back the heat.

Do something on the spur-of-the-moment. Call in sick to work and spend the day in bed. Head out on an unplanned road trip. Just let everything go for a moment and have some fun.

Don’t let the frigid weather prevent you from enjoying a date night!

Having fun together is important for maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. Just like you might schedule household chores or workouts, set a time for date night and stick to it.

Here are a few ideas to inspire winter date nights.

1. Have a board game night.

If you can’t get a sitter, this is a great option for a warm, in-home date. Just wait until the kids go to bed and pull old games out of the closet like Monopoly or Scrabble.

Or, if you want an added challenge, buy a new game online, and then you can learn it together.

Patchwork and Tsuro of the Seas are two games that can be learned quickly but are hard to master. Settlers of Catan and Power Grid are a bit more complicated to learn if you’re up for a challenge.

And if one or both of you is a little too competitive, consider a challenging cooperative game like Pandemic, Forbidden Island, or Forbidden Desert so that you’ll win or lose as a team!

2. Go ice skating.

Has it been a while since one or both of you went out on the ice? Then this is a great date idea for enjoying some laughs together.

Challenge each other to try out different moves, like spinning around, going backward, or doing a figure eight, but make sure you wear plenty of padding and always make safety your first priority.

If ice skating really isn’t your thing, find another winter activity you haven’t tried in a while, such as sledding, skiing, or even having a snowball fight.

Whatever you choose, find a spot to enjoy hot chocolate or a bowl of soup together afterwards.

3. Make smores together.

Do you have a fireplace or outdoor fire pit? If not, a toast oven or even your microwave will do just fine.

All you need is graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows. But don’t be afraid to experiment. There’s no end to smores variations out there, and you can always come up with your own. Do a quick Google search and choose a few to test out.

Not a fan of smores? Consider decorating a gingerbread house instead. (They’re available at a discount after Christmas!) Or enjoy some Irish coffee together.

4. Build a fort.

Remember the childhood joy of building a fort? Relive it with your partner.

Get some sheets, blankets, and sleeping bags. Set up your fort, then decorate it with a string of holiday lights.

You can make an indoor camp site, get a flashlight, and share ghost stories. Or set it up in front of the TV so you can snuggle up together and watch an old movie.

5. Paint the snow.

Fill spray bottles with water and food coloring. Then find a snowy spot to create your masterpiece.

You can work together to create something. Think of an idea and make it happen. Then take a photo of the final result.

Or you can challenge one another to see who can create the best artwork. Whoever wins gets a massage when you get back indoors!

If you’re not too cold when you’re done, take a stroll together. Hold hands. And just enjoy the beauty of the winter wonderland.

Discussions about money can quickly become heated for couples. For many of us, these conversations aren’t just about finances; they’re about power, responsibility, and security.

During the holiday season, things can be particularly dicey. You may both hold different ideas of what you “need” to buy or do during this time of year. You may disagree about who you need to buy gifts for. And it’s all too easy to overspend.

The best way to avoid conflict and stay on the same page is to be proactive: set a holiday budget together.

Take a look at last year.

This is a great starting point. You can find expenses you may have forgotten. You can see where you overspent. And you can remember events that you enjoyed and want to attend again.

Divide your budget into categories.

There are so many things we spend money on during the holiday season beyond gifts – a Christmas tree, gelt, decorations, travel, event tickets, family meals, charitable donations, and so on. Make a list, then allocate money to each category.

And there’s one easily overlooked category I want to make sure you include: “us” time.

This time of year can get hectic with loved ones making greater demands on your time. Don’t lost track of one another in the stress. Set aside the time and money to be alone together during the holiday season.

Make a gift list.

You’ve established a budget for the gift category. Now get into the details: who do you need to buy a present for? Family members, friends, co-workers, bosses, vendors, teachers – there are many people in your life you may want to give to this season. Come to a couple’s answer about who you will give to and then decide on the budget for each gift.

Track your spending.

There is a wealth of phone apps that empower you to track spending. You can also use good old-fashioned pen and paper. The key is to make sure you record everything. You can verify this by checking your credit card or bank statements regularly to ensure they match up with what you’ve tracked.

Prone to overspending? Not terribly good at tracking your spending? Go cash-only for the holiday season. Take out the amount you need. Divide it into envelopes for each category. And use only this money to make your holiday-related purchases.

Start planning for next Christmas.

Yes, already. This is particularly valuable if you’re feeling tight on funds this year. If you save throughout the year in a Christmas savings account, you won’t have the same worries, and you can better enjoy the season together.

Stay committed to the plan.

This process only works if you stick to it! It can be tempting to ignore parts of the budget or hide purchases if you are upset about part of the plan.

Don’t do it. That will only lead to more conflict.

Instead, talk about it and come to a couple’s answer. Be honest if you make a mistake – and be understanding if your partner errs.

Remember, you are in this together. And in the end, the goal is to enable both of you to enjoy the holiday season.

Need help? Reach out to a Delaware relationship therapist for guidance.