Delaware Relationship Center

Valentine’s Day ads are everywhere. Sweet perfumes. Chocolates. And, of course, diamonds, diamonds, diamonds.

It can be overwhelming. You may feel a lot of pressure to go all out. To make it perfect.

As a relationship counselor, I have news for you: you don’t have to go all-out on Valentine’s Day. In fact, it shouldn’t be your eggs-in-one-basket day of romance any year, but this year, in particular, you should cut yourself some slack.

After all, this Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday. It’s harder to hire a babysitter for a romantic night out on the town, and most likely, you’ve both got to get up early the next day anyway.

That isn’t to say that you should cancel your Valentine’s Day reservations or skip gifts this year. The holiday is a wonderful opportunity to do something extra special for your relationship.

But trying to make the day “perfect” or creating a huge build-up in expectations is only going to serve to make things more stressful – the last thing you want when trying to express your love and create a romantic atmosphere.

So how can you relieve some of the pressure?

Start early.

Just because the “main event” of your Valentine’s Day is in the evening doesn’t mean you need to wait until then to get started. Offer compliments and appreciation as soon as you wake up. Tell them a massage is coming at the end of the night. Send flowers to their office during the day.

Basically, offer little gestures throughout the day. It will not only take the pressure off of your big plans, but also help you to set an example for celebrating your love every day of the year.

Communicate with your spouse.

Be upfront if you are feeling pressured to plan a big surprise for Valentine’s Day. Most likely, your spouse will understand your desire to have a low-key night at home.

But if you are not communicating beforehand, there might be some awkward tension on Valentine’s Day about what you do or don’t have planned. If you don’t have any surprises planned, don’t make that a surprise.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day throughout the year.

Sometimes, one partner expects more from Valentine’s Day than the other. And we should be encouraged to celebrate our relationship and the love that we share with our spouses or partners. But these celebrations do not have to be limited to one single day.

If you decide not to fuss over Valentine’s Day this year, but your partner still loves to celebrate the holiday, come up with a couple’s answer for how and when you celebrate your love.

Do you want to reschedule to the following Saturday? (All of the candy will be on sale!) Do you want to make a promise to have a date night once a month in 2017, thereby spreading Valentine’s Day over 12 days throughout the year? Or what about just picking a day at random that works for you both?

Remember: it’s not the specific date that matters; it’s the act of making time and effort to show your love for one another.

Need more advice on how you can celebrate your love every day? Contact a Delaware relationship counselor.

I’m sure there are a number of things that are already stressing you out about the holidays.

Your cousins coming in from out of town. The status of the gift you ordered online. Whether or not your mother is going to let you cook Christmas dinner without hovering over your shoulder.

The specific stressors may be different for each of us, but they exist for almost everyone. The last thing you want to do is add even more stress by getting into a fight with your partner. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens for a lot of people.

Maybe you and your partner are in a bit of a rough place, or tension has been building up for quite some time. Maybe all of that external stress is just causing you to vent. Whatever your reasons, there are things you can do to avoid fighting and keep a calm head and enjoy the holidays.

De-stress before talking about minor conflicts.

Get yourself in a calm mindset before you discuss any minor conflicts or issues. The pressure of the holidays can only intensify conflicts. Also remember that alcohol or excitement can intensify emotions and actions, so don’t bring up a conflict immediately after getting home from a holiday party. If you decide to bring up an issue within your relationship, find a quiet moment at home to do so.

Create a plan for conflict resolution.

You may feel like some of your relationship issues would be better resolved after the holidays are over, especially if they are minor. But your partner may have a different view.

Talk to your partner about when and how you will resolve the different conflicts in your relationship. Is it best to get it out of the way and resolved before your family comes into town? Or would you rather not spoil the holidays over something that isn’t a pressing matter? Having an open dialogue about your plan will get both of you on the same page and in agreement about the next few weeks.

Don’t vent to others.

Your mom is coming into town, and you just need to vent about the stress you’re feeling towards your partner. It feels good to let off some steam, right? Wrong!

Unfortunately, this might create a rift between your mom and your partner, especially if this is a first Christmas for these two, or your parents are already not the biggest fans of your partner.

You don’t want to start a family battle around the dinner table, so update your relatives on your grievances after they’ve flown home for the New Year. Work with your partner to resolve any conflicts, so you can share, if appropriate, the good efforts the two of you have made.

Have a conflict that needs to be solved before the holiday season or need a better approach to working constructively with conflict? Give a relationship counselor a call. They will be able to help you and your partner create a plan for a loving holiday season.

Here we go… another election season. Is it over yet?

When politics is the topic of the day (or week, or month, or year) talking to people can become stressful really fast. Your social media may be flooded with articles you do not want to see, you may find yourself rolling your eyes at your coworkers, and let’s not even go into what talking about politics is like with your parents or family.

For many people, home is your refuge. It’s where you can get away from the intensity, let off steam, and set aside the nonsense of debating.

But what if your partner has a different political opinion? It can sometimes be the cause of serious relationship issues.

As much as we may try to avoid talking about politics with our partner, it’s going to come up eventually – especially in an election year. Sometimes, all it takes is a snide joke while reading the morning paper or listening to the nightly news, and suddenly you’re in full-on argument mode, ready to take each other down.

But most couples don’t have to let it get this far. If you prepare. If you set ground rules. Before you have a discussion about politics (or any taboo subject, for that matter), you and your partner have to agree on two things:

You both have a right to your opinion. Because it is just that – your opinion. Your partner does not have the right to tell you that you are “wrong,” and you do not have the right to tell your partner that he or she is “an idiot.”

If either of you misquotes something or uses inaccurate statistics, it is perfectly reasonable to provide research and facts that are more up-to-date. But in the end, you both have a right to your political views.

You both can learn something new. Remember, bothparties must agree to this before you begin any potentially heated discussion – political or otherwise.

It is crucial that you listen to what your partner is saying when you discuss politics, rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak. Listening to your partner’s opinion can help you see their perspective – and maybe even learn something new.

Where Are Political Discussions Appropriate?
        
Political discussions can erupt anywhere… and with anyone. Do you dread holiday dinners because of the inevitable politics discussion? You’re not alone.

If you get uncomfortable or embarrassed when your partner gets into political discussions with your friends or family, let him or her know!

During a quiet moment at home or while you are having a private discussion, talk to your partner about where you think political discussions are appropriate (and where they aren’t!). Your partner may disagree with your views here, but come to a couple’s answer about where it is okay to bring up politics – and both of you stick to it.