You’re probably not surprised to learn that money is a top cause of relationship stress.

But you may be under the impression that earning more would solve your issues. After all, with more money, you’d worry less about what you’re spending!

Unfortunately, having more money doesn’t necessarily reduce stress over it. But if that isn’t the answer to reducing friction between partners over finances, what is?

The answer is honesty, communication, and planning.

Talk about your financial practices.

The way people interact with money and feel about it is incredibly personal and individual. It’s tied to how we were brought up.

Maybe you hoard every penny and your partner is a spendthrift, or vice versa. Or you both have issues overspending – or saving every dime and never doing anything fun because of it.

Whatever tendencies you and your partner have, you need to have a conversation about them so both of you know where you stand. An expense that seems unnecessary to you may be important to your partner. Listen to where the other person is coming from.

Work together to come up with a plan.

Financial tension in relationships tends to come from people who act like they’re on two solitary islands, doing whatever they want. Unless you agree to completely keep finances separate, you need to work together.

Sit down and create a budget. Be honest about what money you have and how you’re going to spend it. Come up with joint (and individual) goals, and create a plan that enables you to live within your budget and work toward those goals.

Sacrifice when reason and logic dictate it.

When you’re with someone over the long term, circumstances change over time. There’s a good chance that one or both of you will run into financial struggles at some point related to the loss of a job, medical problems, family needing help, or another unexpected issue.

This is part of the deal you make when you decide to be with someone, and it’s probably going to require sacrifice on both sides until things (hopefully) return to where they were.

Always keep things above-board.

Never lie to your partner about finances. Few things can drive a bigger wedge between couples than dishonesty. Lying about money is often particularly devastating.

Imagine struggling to pay bills only to learn that your spouse has a secret account tucked away. Or wondering where your money is going… and finding out they have a huge debt they didn’t tell you about.

Honesty is always the best policy. And if you’re on the receiving end, remember to practice understanding and kindness when your partner shares unfortunate financial news.

Don't allow yourself to stay stuck with unresolved financial issues. Consider talking with a financial advisor or a Delaware couples therapist to get the ball rolling again.

Have you ever wondered why the declaration of love “You complete me” is so powerful?

It is because we all have a Lost Self, a part of ourselves that we have blocked off. If we are fortunate, we can find a partner who helps us reconnect with this Lost Self to feel whole and complete again.

But why do we lose that part of ourselves in the first place?

How You Came to Lose Parts of Yourself

In childhood, we have a high amount of Core Energy within each of us that facilitates our ability to be open and connect with other people. This energy is immediately transferred, given, and received by our mothers, fathers, family members, and other significant individuals in our lives in four ways:

• Thinking
• Feeling
• Sensing
• Acting

Unfortunately, not all our energy is received in a positive way by others.

Our first experiences with negative responses to our energy usually came from our parents or significant others. They may have scolded us for being loud in the supermarket, making a fuss at home, or not sitting still at our place of worship. They may have told you things like, “You’re not acting like a lady,” “You need to man up,” or “You’re not really sad”.

When we receive these negative messages, we stop allowing ourselves to think, feel, sense, or act in certain ways in order to feel acceptable or keep the “peace”. In the course of our lives, we continue to block or limit this energy.

In effect, we lose a part of ourselves.

When we look for a partner, we often seek a person that is open in the areas where we have closed ourselves off. That is often the cause of conflict that arises. But through this partner, we can also chip away at the blockage that we have created and reveal our Whole and Complete Self.

This can be an uncomfortable process; after all, it requires us to go back and recognize parts of ourselves that were affected by years of negative messages. But this knowledge of our Lost Self can be a motivation to dig deep and embrace the challenge.

When things get tough, remember what you can gain: your Whole and Complete Self! And don’t forget that you can give this gift to your partner as well. The key is to communicate openly and honestly and to support one another’s growth.

You’re fighting all the time. Or maybe the constant tension means that you barely interact. Perhaps you’ve just grown so far apart that it’s like you’re living different lives.

When things get truly tough between spouses, it can start to feel like divorce is inevitable – but is it?

Not always. In fact, in most situations where both people are willing to put in the work, the marriage can not only be saved but strengthened, so that things are better than ever.

Here are three questions to ask before getting a divorce.

1. Have you clearly talked to your partner about what’s bothering you in the relationship?

After we’re with someone for a long time, we develop a shorthand with them. We know what they’re thinking, and they know what we’re thinking. Or at least that’s what we tell ourselves.

Unfortunately, this mentality can lead people into believing that they’ve been clear with their spouse about their feelings, when in reality the other person doesn’t understand what’s going on at all.

2. Have you both set clear expectations for your roles in the relationship?

Often people grow feel frustrated with the role they or their partner take in the relationship. This can be as big as one person working while the other stays home with the kids or as relatively small as one of you handling the finances while the other mows the lawn.

It doesn’t matter who does what, but it does matter that both of you understand and accept the roles you each expect from the other. If you want to change your role, then you need to talk to each other about what kind of changes you’d like to make.

3. What would life be like without your partner?

When people start to consider divorce, they tend to focus on all the bad things they won’t have to deal with anymore. The fights. The stony silences. The frustration.

Before you move forward, though, think about the other side. Obviously, there are some positives, or you never would have married this person to begin with.

If you divorce, you’ll no longer have someone to share happy moments with you. To support you when you feel down. To sleep next to at night. To join you at the movies or out for dinner. To deal with the finances or handle household chores. Or whatever.

The point is to really think about what you’ll lose… and not wear rose-colored glasses about what you’ll gain.

Here’s one final question to ask: have you sought professional help?

With the guidance of an experienced relationship therapist, you can learn tools and techniques to help you communicate without fighting and gain a deeper understanding of each other’s needs. And that can empower you to create an even happier marriage than you had before your current problems!