You know that your partner has been having a particularly tough time. Work has been crazy. The kids are driving both of you up the wall.

So, you decide to do something nice for them. You spend time at work that week researching a big gift you think they’ll like. After you pick the kids up from school, you head out together to get it.

You’re excited. The kids are excited. But when you give it to your partner, they’re a bit subdued.

And it hurts. You put a lot of time and effort into finding something that would show your appreciation, and they barely seemed to care.

So, against your better judgment, you confront them. You talk about why you did it. About the work you put into it. How much it would have meant to you to have received such a thoughtful gift.

Their response: they do appreciate the time and effort you put in, but presents just don’t mean that much to them. They never have.

Before you lay into your partner even more, take a deep breath and think about what they’re saying. Clearly, getting a big present means something important to you. But just because you put so much meaning on it doesn’t mean that your partner does.

Here’s the more important question: what kinds of things do matter to your partner?

What we’re talking about here is love languages. Different things convey love to different people. And if you want your partner to feel loved, you need to know what says love to him or her.

How Do You Know What (Love) Language Your Partner Speaks?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five different universal “love languages.” They are:

1. Words of affirmation. Compliments, I love you’s, and other positive verbal interactions really get their love juices flowing. On the flip side, insults and other negative comments won’t be forgotten or forgiven easily.
2. Acts of service. Making life a little bit easier for them shows them how much you care. Increasing their workload frustrates the heck out of them.
3. Are diamonds or a new 70-inch TV their best friend? Then they may feel love by receiving gifts. To be clear, these gifts don’t necessarily have to be big or expensive. Showing you care by getting something is what matters.
4. Quality time. They don’t care what you do, as long as it’s with them. If you skip another activity to show them that you’d rather spend time with them, even better.
5. Physical touch. These people feel love by really feeling Kissing, holding hands, hugging, and other types of physical affection really matter to them.

Most people appreciate many, if not all, of these love languages, but we tend to gravitate toward one of these five more than the others.

Here’s the trap most of us fall into though: we assume that what makes us feel loved is the same thing that will make our partners feel loved. So, if we like being touched, we’ll touch them a lot. If we wish someone would just help us out by getting our car cleaned or taking out the garbage, we’ll engage in those types of acts of service.

Here’s what you should do instead: pay attention to what your partner really seems to appreciate. Try something in each of the five languages and see what works best. Or – better yet – just ask them.

Even if they don’t know exactly, asking will show you really care. And it will get them thinking, not just about how they feel love, but possibly how you feel love, too. And that’s good for both of you.

If you're having trouble talking about it, seek the help of a Delaware marriage therapist, who can help you uncover one another's love language as well as learn other valuable relationship tools and techniques.

Routine can be wonderful. It makes us feel safe and secure. After all, you know what to expect, so what do you have to worry about?

But when you only live in the comfort zone, it can lead to boredom and passivity. There’s less surprise, excitement, and fun. You lose that “spark” that brought you together in the first place.

In short: you can end up in a relationship rut.

So, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone – together.

You’ll discover new things about yourself and your partner, bringing back the excitement of the early stages of your relationship. You’re getting to know each other all over again.

When you take on fun challenges together, you’ll be more prepared for the unexpected challenges that life throws your way. And the new experiences will strengthen your bond to one another.

Volunteer together. Helps you both release oxytocin, that powerful bonding chemical, so you’ll be experiencing that natural “high” together.

Try new foods. Find a cuisine you’ve never tried. Or select a restaurant totally at random and head out. Another idea: cook a dish you or your partner absolutely love but haven’t made before.

Take a class together. If you’re more academic-minded, you can head to a local community college. Or you can learn a language. Or just pick fun skills – from mixology to ax throwing to photography.

Find a new sport or activity. When is the last time you went for a bike ride? Swimming? Have you ever wanted to learn to dance or do yoga? Embrace a new activity together.

Start a project together. It could be as big as starting your own business (talk about leaving your comfort zone!) or as small as redecorating a room in your house.

Plan a vacation. Select a destination. Determine a budget and plan to save together. Then delve into the details. Get excited about it together.

Go on a staycation. If a big vacation isn’t in the cards for you right now, then make plans to explore your local area. There are hidden gems near you that you can uncover together.

Try something new in bed. If you’ve found yourself in a rut in bed as well, a new position or a new location can help bring back the heat.

Do something on the spur-of-the-moment. Call in sick to work and spend the day in bed. Head out on an unplanned road trip. Just let everything go for a moment and have some fun.

Don’t let the frigid weather prevent you from enjoying a date night!

Having fun together is important for maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. Just like you might schedule household chores or workouts, set a time for date night and stick to it.

Here are a few ideas to inspire winter date nights.

1. Have a board game night.

If you can’t get a sitter, this is a great option for a warm, in-home date. Just wait until the kids go to bed and pull old games out of the closet like Monopoly or Scrabble.

Or, if you want an added challenge, buy a new game online, and then you can learn it together.

Patchwork and Tsuro of the Seas are two games that can be learned quickly but are hard to master. Settlers of Catan and Power Grid are a bit more complicated to learn if you’re up for a challenge.

And if one or both of you is a little too competitive, consider a challenging cooperative game like Pandemic, Forbidden Island, or Forbidden Desert so that you’ll win or lose as a team!

2. Go ice skating.

Has it been a while since one or both of you went out on the ice? Then this is a great date idea for enjoying some laughs together.

Challenge each other to try out different moves, like spinning around, going backward, or doing a figure eight, but make sure you wear plenty of padding and always make safety your first priority.

If ice skating really isn’t your thing, find another winter activity you haven’t tried in a while, such as sledding, skiing, or even having a snowball fight.

Whatever you choose, find a spot to enjoy hot chocolate or a bowl of soup together afterwards.

3. Make smores together.

Do you have a fireplace or outdoor fire pit? If not, a toast oven or even your microwave will do just fine.

All you need is graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows. But don’t be afraid to experiment. There’s no end to smores variations out there, and you can always come up with your own. Do a quick Google search and choose a few to test out.

Not a fan of smores? Consider decorating a gingerbread house instead. (They’re available at a discount after Christmas!) Or enjoy some Irish coffee together.

4. Build a fort.

Remember the childhood joy of building a fort? Relive it with your partner.

Get some sheets, blankets, and sleeping bags. Set up your fort, then decorate it with a string of holiday lights.

You can make an indoor camp site, get a flashlight, and share ghost stories. Or set it up in front of the TV so you can snuggle up together and watch an old movie.

5. Paint the snow.

Fill spray bottles with water and food coloring. Then find a snowy spot to create your masterpiece.

You can work together to create something. Think of an idea and make it happen. Then take a photo of the final result.

Or you can challenge one another to see who can create the best artwork. Whoever wins gets a massage when you get back indoors!

If you’re not too cold when you’re done, take a stroll together. Hold hands. And just enjoy the beauty of the winter wonderland.