I’m sure there are a number of things that are already stressing you out about the holidays.

Your cousins coming in from out of town. The status of the gift you ordered online. Whether or not your mother is going to let you cook Christmas dinner without hovering over your shoulder.

The specific stressors may be different for each of us, but they exist for almost everyone. The last thing you want to do is add even more stress by getting into a fight with your partner. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens for a lot of people.

Maybe you and your partner are in a bit of a rough place, or tension has been building up for quite some time. Maybe all of that external stress is just causing you to vent. Whatever your reasons, there are things you can do to avoid fighting and keep a calm head and enjoy the holidays.

De-stress before talking about minor conflicts.

Get yourself in a calm mindset before you discuss any minor conflicts or issues. The pressure of the holidays can only intensify conflicts. Also remember that alcohol or excitement can intensify emotions and actions, so don’t bring up a conflict immediately after getting home from a holiday party. If you decide to bring up an issue within your relationship, find a quiet moment at home to do so.

Create a plan for conflict resolution.

You may feel like some of your relationship issues would be better resolved after the holidays are over, especially if they are minor. But your partner may have a different view.

Talk to your partner about when and how you will resolve the different conflicts in your relationship. Is it best to get it out of the way and resolved before your family comes into town? Or would you rather not spoil the holidays over something that isn’t a pressing matter? Having an open dialogue about your plan will get both of you on the same page and in agreement about the next few weeks.

Don’t vent to others.

Your mom is coming into town, and you just need to vent about the stress you’re feeling towards your partner. It feels good to let off some steam, right? Wrong!

Unfortunately, this might create a rift between your mom and your partner, especially if this is a first Christmas for these two, or your parents are already not the biggest fans of your partner.

You don’t want to start a family battle around the dinner table, so update your relatives on your grievances after they’ve flown home for the New Year. Work with your partner to resolve any conflicts, so you can share, if appropriate, the good efforts the two of you have made.

Have a conflict that needs to be solved before the holiday season or need a better approach to working constructively with conflict? Give a relationship counselor a call. They will be able to help you and your partner create a plan for a loving holiday season.

Here we go… another election season. Is it over yet?

When politics is the topic of the day (or week, or month, or year) talking to people can become stressful really fast. Your social media may be flooded with articles you do not want to see, you may find yourself rolling your eyes at your coworkers, and let’s not even go into what talking about politics is like with your parents or family.

For many people, home is your refuge. It’s where you can get away from the intensity, let off steam, and set aside the nonsense of debating.

But what if your partner has a different political opinion? It can sometimes be the cause of serious relationship issues.

As much as we may try to avoid talking about politics with our partner, it’s going to come up eventually – especially in an election year. Sometimes, all it takes is a snide joke while reading the morning paper or listening to the nightly news, and suddenly you’re in full-on argument mode, ready to take each other down.

But most couples don’t have to let it get this far. If you prepare. If you set ground rules. Before you have a discussion about politics (or any taboo subject, for that matter), you and your partner have to agree on two things:

You both have a right to your opinion. Because it is just that – your opinion. Your partner does not have the right to tell you that you are “wrong,” and you do not have the right to tell your partner that he or she is “an idiot.”

If either of you misquotes something or uses inaccurate statistics, it is perfectly reasonable to provide research and facts that are more up-to-date. But in the end, you both have a right to your political views.

You both can learn something new. Remember, bothparties must agree to this before you begin any potentially heated discussion – political or otherwise.

It is crucial that you listen to what your partner is saying when you discuss politics, rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak. Listening to your partner’s opinion can help you see their perspective – and maybe even learn something new.

Where Are Political Discussions Appropriate?
        
Political discussions can erupt anywhere… and with anyone. Do you dread holiday dinners because of the inevitable politics discussion? You’re not alone.

If you get uncomfortable or embarrassed when your partner gets into political discussions with your friends or family, let him or her know!

During a quiet moment at home or while you are having a private discussion, talk to your partner about where you think political discussions are appropriate (and where they aren’t!). Your partner may disagree with your views here, but come to a couple’s answer about where it is okay to bring up politics – and both of you stick to it.

It is completely normal for couples to go through rough patches or uncomfortable periods in their marriage. After all, you probably spend more time with your spouse than anyone else. And life is not always perfect.

But it’s not fun to find your marriage in a rut. Moreover, if a rut continues for too long, it can eventually push you further apart and cause much bigger problems.

Don’t let that happen. Consider these tips to get your marriage back on the upswing.

Be honest. And do it as soon as possible. Often times, couples do not want to admit to themselves or each other that they are feeling insecure in their marriage.

It’s not an enjoyable conversation to have, but it’s necessary to address lingering conflicts or negative feelings.  Be upfront and gentle in sharing with your spouse. Have this conversation as soon as you can.

Listen. Your spouse may see your rut in a different light than you. When it is your spouse’s turn to talk about his or her feelings, really listen!!

This is the only way to know if you are on the same page, or if there is something you need to do to support your spouse during this time.

Determine if the problem lies elsewhere. Is your marriage in a rut, or are you in a rut? Sometimes, stress from outside your relationship (work, family, self-confidence) can have a huge affect on your relationship. This is dangerous, since it may cause you or your partner to blame your relationship for your problems, rather than the real culprit (outside stress).

Do a self-assessment if you’re feeling especially insecure or frustrated in your marriage. How are you handling other aspects of your life? Understanding the origins of your frustration is the best way to move forward and improve your mood.

Refresh. If you need some time to heal or work on personal issues, there is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself. Go on a hiking trip alone, or attend a retreat for that will allow you to reflect and rejuvenate.

When you come back to your spouse after some self-care, you will feel refreshed and ready to work on your relationship.

Consider relationship coaching. Often, we get so wrapped up in our problems with our spouse that we cannot see the greater issues. This is a great time for a relationship coach/therapist to come in and work you through the rut in your marriage.

An unbiased, trained third party will help you and your spouse see different perspectives and alternative suggestions for bringing the spark back to your marriage.